How Skilled Are You at Communicating?

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The Skills of Communication


Communication Skills in Marriage

Another great video from Dr Sheri Meyers. Here are the important points on how to keep communicating and keep love alive:

  • when you need a change to come about and this is a fabulous 5 step process:
    • state your desire – what you want to have happen
    • state the behavior that needs changing using I statements
    • state how you feel – I feel … and then I believe you don’t love me
    • I want you to ……. look at me
    • are you willing to do this?
  • avoid you statements and use I statements
  • use the chocolate bikky technique
    • state what you do like about the person, the situation etc
    • then state the filling  – the however part, the criticism
    • then seal your statement with another layer of chocolate – something positive

More on Communicating

  • how can I get my partner to listen?
    • it is all about delivery and presentation
    • use I statements about what you need
    • us a gentle tone
    • then listen – this is hard – and maintain eye contact
    • take a deep breath, stay relaxed and don’t over react to the response
  • what about the power struggle?
    • in the me versus you scenario, it is the relationship that suffers
  • how do we deal with anger?
    • if one of you walks away, then this is fear in action
    • it is a conditioned response from childhood
    • that person may be scared and it is up to the other to get them to handle the situation
    • happens a lot when one partner is more emotional and the other is rational
    • some do’s: lean in; maintain eye contact – don’t glare; nod in agreement to show you are listening rather than you necessarily agree; hold partner’s hand; breath deeply
    • some don’ts: don’t roll your eyes, fidget, cross your arms
  • and remember the biggest thing of all may be just to forgive.

So, now you have my thoughts. Watch the video and leave your comments below.


This woman knows her stuff. Don’t you agree?

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