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Coping with Cheating and Infidelity
Have you just discovered your partner is cheating on you? Has your world suddenly been turned upside down? How could you not see this mass betrayal coming?
Do you want to save your marriage? Is there enough love left in you, in your partnership for you to try and keep love alive? Are there children involved?
Your first instinct is probably to leave and get a divorce? Or kick him out straight away? That’s natural to feel like this. You are hurt, angry and you probably feel overwhelmed with rage and darkness.
If only the world would open up and engulf you…. but it won’t be that obliging. You have to go on, for your sake, for the sake of your children, even perhaps for the sake of the spouse who has been unfaithful.
How do you do this? How do you get out of be when your heart is so heavy? How do you keep going when your feet feel like lead? Where do you turn when you feel so alone and desperate?
Is it a case of ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’? If he has been unfaithful once, will anything stop him being unfaithful again?
This probably feels like a deal breaker but it doesn’t have to be. There are two principle players in this play and it is up to them – that ‘s you and your partner – to decide if this partnership is worth saving.
What do you think? Is there enough love to make this retrievable. You probably don’t feel like you have the energy or desire to save your marriage at this point, but what about in the longer term.
In your heart of hearts if this relationship is worth saving then don’t throw it away yet. You don’t have to throw yourself into rescue mode immediately – just don’t throw him out yet. Give yourself time; seek some counseling help; even go away with a friend or by yourself if you think this will help.
You need to create time and space for you. Heaven knows your partner has managed to create space in his life for an affair. So, clear the decks and find yourself. This is a huge, life changing event, make no mistake. Even, if you decide to forgive him and keep your relationship together, you, your marriage, and your partner will never be as you were. The problems that go with infidelity and the breaking of trust are not going to go away any time soon. You know that and so do I.
You just need to be kind to yourself first, second and last. Put yourself first now – probably for the first time in a long time. Look after number one.
So, now you have my opinion on Coping with Infidelity…
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